Why do things have to be so complicated? Frustration is what I’m feeling right now. It’s not just one thing..but several things. But the straw today is dad. Why can’t his medications just work? Why does he even have to have this disease? Why do I have to deal with this? I know I ask a lot of whys, but I’m allowed to ask. Right? I know I don’t have all the answers. I know I can’t be in control. I know there is a reason to why I’ve grown up dealing with having a bipolar father. However, it’s just really difficult sometimes to feel like I can overcome the emotional roller coaster of it all. I grew up so fast, not really having a childhood. What I do remember is sitting in doctors offices fighting with my brother and having to take care of my mom because at times she didn’t have the faith to go on. It’s hard sometimes to not look at this all as a burden, but as I look back I see and I know that God has truly carried us all through and continues to do so. It’s all about leaning on him. Don’t doubt his love and faithfulness. Don’t give in to those strongholds that the devil will use against you. I may not understand why I must endure this hardship, but with my faith entrusted in God I know that the pain will help me grow. God’s given me so much wisdom through each life situation I’m handed. I’ve definitely learned to be strong for myself and for others. What I learn and how I feel is ultimately my choice….so enough self-pity and whys. Bring on the pain…haha…no, but seriously… “I know I can do [and handle] all things thru Christ, who gives me strength.”
“For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.” -Job 5:18
